What is a Midlife Crisis?
Before addressing how long a midlife crisis lasts we need to address what a midlife crisis is. According to the dictionary, a mid-life crisis (first used by Canadian psychologist Elliott Jaques in 1965) is ‘a loss of self-confidence and feelings of anxiety or disappointment that can occur in early middle age’.
When Does a Midlife Crisis Start?
When does a midlife crisis start (if at all) and how long does it last? As you may expect, there are no definitive answers to these two questions; as with much in life, it will depend on the individual.
Some people may begin to question their lives in their 30’s and completely re-invent themselves at that stage. For others the trigger for a rethink maybe children leaving home and, as people are becoming parents later in life, that may well not be until they reach their late fifties. However, the term is generally thought of as encompassing the years between the ages of 45 and 64.
How Long Does a Midlife Crisis Last for Men and Women?
There is little scientific research that formally identifies how long a midlife crisis lasts but anecdotally it is thought that it lasts between three to ten years in men and two to five years in women.
Why the difference? Well, the female menopause is one of the main stresses for women and the peri-menopause (the time in the run up to the last menstruation) lasts an average of four years – a rather neat correlation. Although there is evidence that hormonal changes (lowering of testosterone levels) in men may play a part in a male midlife crisis, it is less clear cut than for women and it is more likely that men are affected more by the perceived loss of youth than by a drop in testosterone.
How Do You Know You’re in a Midlife Crisis?
Below is a list of six commonly perceived stages of a midlife crisis which may help you identify if you, or a loved one, have entered a crisis:
Stages of a Midlife Crisis
- Denial: the urge to deny the inevitability of aging; suddenly paying a great deal of attention to the way they dress: dying hair (to hide the grey): joining a gym: having plastic surgery: staying out partying etc.
- Anger: riling against the perceived unfairness of life and the realisation that there is nothing can be done to stop the ageing process. This can be the ‘run away’ stage when the urge to escape the inevitability of growing older overwhelms
- Replay: attempting to recapture the past. This can manifest itself in several ways such as having an affair, doing things they wouldn’t have considered before, leaving a job, wanting to travel to places they’ve never mentioned before, becoming irresponsible (acting like a teenager)
- Depression: the lowest point in the cycle when the realisation that despite the actions in the Replay stage life has not changed as they may have wished (unless a true life purpose emerged as a result of the Replay stage) in which case this stage and the next (Withdrawal) may not be experienced
- Withdrawal: coming to terms with what they have done in the Replay and Depression stages; facing up to the pain they may have caused others and either rebuilding damaged relationships or withdrawing from them completely, which could, in some circumstances result in separation and divorce from the spouse
- Acceptance: life has changed, there is no going back, accepting and embracing whatever is the new reality
Of course, within these six areas every individual will react differently. For some people the Replay stage will be the point they discover, or rediscover, a true life passion or purpose which they may have denied (or allowed to be subsumed in order to earn a living) and by choosing to follow this path in midlife they will actually be finding new happiness and fulfilment.
The length of each of these stages will also vary according to the individual and, as noted above, not everyone will experience all of them. For some, the introspection of re-evaluating life may actually be so cathartic that the entire concept of a ‘crisis’ is redundant and their later years thus become some of the happiest of their lives.
We are as a society demanding of absolutes, however, in the case of midlife crises there aren’t any, indeed many scientists who actually dispute whether midlife crises actually exist at all. There is little evidence that people undergo midlife crises in Japanese and Indian cultures, raising the question of whether a it’s mainly a cultural construct; both of those societies being far less youth centric than the West. That being said, midlife does mark a significant change in lifestyle for most and it’s important to adapt.
Some research appears to demonstrate that individuals who change jobs/careers before midlife have a greater sense of generativity (of understanding the need to help the next generation) and a higher motivation coupled with a reduced feeling of stagnation. This could lessen the feelings of overwhelm midlifers sometimes express at the ‘culture of youth’ in western society – greater involvement with younger people and/or an ability to readily adapt to changing times may mean a crisis could be avoided.
Midlife should be a time when an individual is able to finally be themselves; a time when children have flown the nest, finances should be more stable and more free time is available. If you find yourself (or spot a loved one) looking back with regret try and stop yourself by instead looking forwards to all the things you could do now – take the trip of a lifetime perhaps, downsize to a smaller property (and free up some cash in the process), take up a new hobby, write that book, learn something new!
Perhaps it’s time to stop thinking of a ‘midlife crisis’ as a problem to be overcome or undergone but as a natural part of life a time to address the deepest part of oneself and set the course for the remainder of lifto see it as an opportunity for rebirth rather than stagnation.
