The dictionary definition of self-esteem is: “Belief and confidence in your own ability and value” – a pretty broad explanation, so we’re going to drill down into not only what self-esteem means, but the benefits and how to boost your own level of self-esteem.
What is Self Esteem?
Let’s break down the dictionary definition word by word:
- Belief: he feeling of being certain about something
- Confidence: being sure of your abilities, skills, talents
- Ability: the physical and/or mental skill you need to do something
- Value: knowing your importance in the world
Once you start to look in depth at what self-esteem means, you quickly spot that it isn’t as simple as just having one positive trait – you need to have a ALL of these attitudes and attributes to truly feel ‘happy in your own skin’ – in other words to have high self-esteem.
Think about that pretty girl (or attractive guy) – you may assume that they know they look good and that they should therefore have a high level of self-esteem.
But what if they don’t see what you see?
What if they have never believed they look good?
What if they were told from childhood that they were ugly, worthless, would never amount to anything?
Now, think again – do you still believe she (or he) feels confident and values themselves?
It is of course possible to have belief and confidence in one area of your life but to lack in others. For example, you know you are great at a particular sport but believe you are rubbish at, let’s say, learning a language.
Or, you could absolutely believe you are fantastic at your job but feel a failure when it comes to relationships.
In either of those two examples, you would be unlikely to feel absolutely great about yourself and thus your self-esteem is not going to be sky high.
Why is Self-Esteem Important?
Believing in yourself and your abilities (in other words having high self-esteem) will enable you to live your life in the fullest way possible.
Learning how to integrate all of the different areas of your life into a ‘flow’ state where you are happy and confident in your abilities across the board, will have a massive impact on your overall wellbeing.
Freed of crippling self-doubts you will feel able to take on new challenges and develop yourself to become the best version of yourself.
We’ll examine some of the benefits in more detail but at this stage we need to address …
What Self-Esteem is NOT
Having high self-esteem does not mean:
- Being arrogant
- Putting other people down
- Having lots of money and possessions
- Being selfish and thoughtless
- Being pompous
- Being ‘cocky’
- It doesn’t just mean having confidence
Benefits of Self-Esteem
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Being Authentically Yourself
Imagine not feeling you have to pretend to be something you aren’t because you believe you have to in order fit in or be accepted.
Imagine that the real you is on display 24/7 – you never have to put on an act, second guess yourself, or others.
Wouldn’t that feel wonderful and freeing?
A person with high self-esteem is comfortable in their own skin and knows they don’t need to change themselves in order to fit in. In fact, they aren’t really bothered about societal norms or expectations – they are happy just being themselves. (Note, this doesn’t mean that they ignore what is socially acceptable!)
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Having a Sense of Purpose
When you know and believe in yourself you will be able to identify your passion and purpose. This helps to plan the future.
Understanding and believing in your capabilities means you will be able to forge ahead in your career (if that’s what you want – it could however, equally be that you identify a passion or hobby and make that a focus).
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Clarity in Decision Making
Someone with great self-esteem is more than likely able to make decisions easily and stick by them. They trust their own judgement.
They know what they want and need, are able to plan for their future and thus take the appropriate course of action.
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Being Realistic
Knowing and accepting yourself inevitably helps in understanding other people. It also means that you are able to accept yourself (and others) as fallible.
There is no need for an inflated sense of self – you know you can’t possibly always be right and so you are prepared to accept failings both in yourself and others.
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Understanding Your Value
Knowing your value is key to accepting yourself as a worthy member of society. It means you won’t accept anything less than what you know you deserve. You are worthy – you do deserve a great life!
If you have spent your life feeling a failure (or worse being told that) then you won’t value yourself. You’ll accept that you don’t deserve the well-paid job, the fantastic relationships etc. because that’s what you believe and you will trap yourself in a bubble of low self-esteem and low self-worth.
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Having Good Communication Skills
Most people with high self-esteem are articulate when challenged on their beliefs (or anything else).
Because they are being truly themselves at all times, they are able to clearly explain their drivers, core values and beliefs without resorting to arguing.
They are not pretending to be something they are not and therefore don’t have to invent responses/arguments – they just voice who and what they are.
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Having the Drive to Succeed
People with good self-esteem have a drive to succeed in everything they do.
It’s not arrogance rather an acceptance that if you know yourself you also know what you can and can’t do. You know your limitations as well as your abilities and will work to overcome areas of limitation in order to succeed.
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The Ability to Form Good, Healthy Relationships
If you aren’t wearing yourself out pretending to be something you aren’t, it’s easier to make and keep good relationships – in both a personal and professional sense.
It goes back to the first item on this list – being authentically you. It may seem obvious, but if you know, love and understand yourself, you will be more able to connect with others on a deeper level.
Good relationships are founded on mutual trust, so, by being yourself in interactions with others you are starting from a basis of trust – a better building block than putting on some sort of façade.
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Being Ready and Willing to Help Others
Have you ever noticed that people who are really in tune with themselves (have high self-esteem) are often the ones who are first in the queue to help others?
They are the volunteers, the committee members etc. who are willing to give of themselves in order to help everyone else.
They are happy in their lives and want to spread that feeling.
Let’s face it, if you feel worthless (low self-esteem), you aren’t likely to think that anyone would value your assistance.
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Embracing New Challenges
If you are secure in yourself, your beliefs, values and abilities, then you are more likely to embrace new challenges because you won’t be carrying around the horrid ‘fear of failure’ burden.
Instead, you will accept that only by trying new things will you know if you are any good at them. Not being great at something will not be seen as a failure but recognised as a lesson learnt.
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Being Unafraid of Uncertainty or the Unknown
People with high self-esteem are not afraid of change, rather they embrace change as a natural part of growing and developing.
Uncertainty and the unknown are not seen as frightening but rather contain the potential for new and better outcomes.
Believing in oneself confers the confidence to accept that you will be able to deal with anything that is presented to you.
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Resilience
Those with high self-esteem will not allow themselves to wallow if (when) things don’t go to plan.
They see these occasions for what they are – temporary setbacks and pick themselves up, dust themselves down and either try again or, move on to something new.
They have the confidence to belief that everything will be alright in the end.
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Acceptance
With self-knowledge comes self-acceptance and with self-acceptance comes inner peace.
Having great self-esteem means you understand that whilst you know you can’t be Grade A at everything, you can still do everything to the best of your ability. That is all you can ever ask of yourself.
Admitting your limitations and instead focussing on what is truly important to you, or you are passionate about is very freeing. As is admitting that you don’t always know the answer!
Accepting your physical appearance instead of pandering to social media expectations is also tied with good self-esteem. Once you stop believing you have to look a certain way because a social media post says so, you are able to relax and be comfortable being you!
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Having High Motivation
Knowing your path in life always helps. Those with a good level of self-esteem have usually established who they are and where they want to go, they are also highly motivated to get there.
Being motivated in one area of life has knock on effects across the board. Motivation is a bit like any skill – once picked up you need to keep at it, eventually it becomes second nature.
So, someone motivated to achieve one goal (write a book for example) may also be motivated to learn to touch type/brush up on language skills etc.
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Good Mental Health
Think about it for a moment, what are some of the key issues for people with mental health difficulties?
Poor body image: lack of confidence: fear of the unknown: uncertainty: feeling unloved or unable to give love: lack of motivation: lack of purpose/direction: feeling worthless etc. etc.
Now scan back up this list.
Does someone with high levels of self-esteem have any of these problems?
NO – they don’t and therefore their mental health is usually good. They also know and understand themselves and so are more likely to spot, and address, any issues before they become problems.
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Good Physical Health
The good mental health which (generally) goes hand in hand with having decent self-esteem means less stress.
Less stress means less stress-related illness (cardiovascular disease, including heart disease, high blood pressure, abnormal heart rhythms, heart attacks, and stroke).
High levels of stress are also known to affect your immune system negatively, so being free of stress could also help boost your immunity to infectious disease.
An individual with high self-esteem will also be keen to look after their body and will plan to eat well, drink less, exercise more as they would prefer not to jeopardise their health.
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The Ability to Live Life Fully
Towards the top of this article we said:
‘Believing in yourself and your abilities (in other words having high self-esteem) will enable you to live your life in the fullest way possible.’
And that is the biggest single statement we can make about self-esteem.
Have high self-esteem and you will be able to fly (figuratively of course!).
Whereas living life crippled by negative self-talk and self-sabotage which results in low or no self-esteem will have you dragging yourself through every day, week and year in a dark haze of hopelessness.
How to Boost Self-Esteem
- Mentally check in with yourself – based on this article, are there any of the 17 areas you think you fall short in? Once identified look at ways to tackle these areas
- Work your way up the emotional scale and stay there – in simple terms, be positive and optimistic as often as you can (it will become second nature eventually)
- Look around you – take stock of what you DO have, not what you DON’T – appreciate what you have! Try a writing a gratitude journal
- Set goals – personal and professional
- Learn something new – it stimulates the grey matter and gives you a chance to be ‘good’ at more things
- Help someone
- Push your comfort zone (challenge yourself)
- Do something creative
- Make a list of your accomplishments
- Set some personal boundaries and maybe remove negative people from your life
- Stop worrying what anybody else thinks!
- Read inspirational and motivational books and spend as much time as you can with positive and uplifting people
- Meditate, do yoga or tai chi, practice mindfulness. Allow yourself to relax and your mind to calm
- Visualise yourself and your life as you really want it to be
And of course – remember that if you need a helping hand to improve your levels of self-esteem then Success Stream coaches have the training and knowledge to help!
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